Things We (Could)n't Change
by xavierh
Summary: After Leah phases for the first time, she finds the strength to leave for good after realizing that everything that was taken away from her wasn't going to come back, possibly ever. What kind of consequences will her departure have on everyone else?


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter 1.- Reasons (not) to hate you.**

Leah felt silent when they revealed everything. She heard patiently Old Quil's voice as he explained it all, taking in every bit and every detail. How she was a… werewolf, maybe. How she wasn't supposed to shift, but still did. How she had triggered Seth's shift, making him the youngest to do so yet. How they were now subjects of this magical thing, barely aging, if at all, shifting at will to protect their people. Victims of their own temper and abilities, bound to the Quileute land and to the pack. How Leah was the first of her kind, and how she would not likely have children – ever. How Wolves could imprint, and that although rare, it had already happened to Sam, Paul, and Jared. How wolves shared one mind, always in unison with one another, but subjected to each and every single thought, every memory, every sentiment running through their bodies.

"Can I… Can I reject this?" Leah asked, once Old Quil was finished.

"The more you fight it, the harder it becomes to control it," he explained. "In a few years, when it's completely under your control, you'll be able to stop phasing completely, like our grandparents. Who knows? Maybe you'll even be able to have a family."

Leah flinched and looked at Old Quil, angered and saddened by his comment. Did he not care about what she was going through?

Of course not, Leah thought. He's an old fart, a man to top it off, and I'm all the way out of his sphere of knowledge.

"Years?" she struggled to ask for anything more. "You're telling me that I'm going to have Sam in my head for the next few years?"

"Leah… I wish, I truly wish we could've done something to stop all this," Old Quil lamented.

"Yeah, yeah, I bet you do, and yet, you can't," Leah said, with a grim face.

The young woman stood up and against her mother's pleas, she left behind the room, along with the people that broke such horrible news to her. She didn't want them to see her breaking down, wallowing in the overwhelming sadness. She felt like someone was ripping apart her heart over and over, replaying the time when Sam came over to her house and fell on his knees at the sight of Emily. At the time, unaware of what was going on, it only made sense to her that Emily and Sam were cheating. Now, deeply understanding what had happened, she didn't feel hate or resentment anymore, but a horrible feeling of loneliness and desperation. It was like losing your breath, unable to know why, until you finally realize your drowning. She couldn't bring herself to hate Sam or Emily, but the pain was all very real still.

She ran for what felt like hours. She wanted to disappear from the world and found comfort in exhausting herself to keep it cool. It worked, more or less. She felt the urge of phasing like an itch you can't scratch, but that was what it was – and itch. She also liked the feeling of her lungs burning, her body aching, and her heart racing. As a human, she had always liked to work out, and as a werewolf, the feeling just tripled. It was sundown when she finally grew tired, and her mind could not keep on running away. She spotted First Beach and hurried her way to the seashore.

Leah stripped herself of her clothes, leaving her down to just her underwear. She set her eyes on the horizon and walked all the way into the freezing ocean. It wasn't quite as cold as she imagined it would be, but then again, she was now a wolf with an incredibly high bodily temperature. The felt the water engulf her body little by little, almost making her feel cold. Almost. The water was up to her chest, when the sound of somebody scurrying to the water brought her out of her calm trance.

"Lee," Sam screamed. "Leah."

Leah ignored him and let on walking, now letting the tide take her away. She was happy, clear-headed, and liberated, until a pair of arms wrapped around her and pushed her out of the water. Sam was forcing her with him, looking down at her with eyes full of worry and pain – eyes too different to those Leah was used to. She fought, kicked, and twisted, trying to get out of Sam's grip, but the man tried harder than she did.

Once back on the shore, Sam turned Leah around and screamed at her, still grabbing her by her arms. His screams, everything he said, went unnoticed by Leah. She could hear him, but nothing made sense and it all overlapped. Sam then wrapped his arms around her and brought their bodies closer to each other. Leah felt a burning sensation, the same she felt when his mother died, and he held her close for days. The same she felt when they made love for the first time. The first when they embraced once he asked her to marry him. The same burning sensation that told her she loved Sam Uley more than she loved anyone in the whole world.

"Don't do this to me, Lee," Sam whispered. "Don't."

"Why?" Leah's voice came out thin and coarse.

"Because…" Sam hesitated. "Because you are important to Emily."

"Do you love her?" Leah asked, pushing him away. Sam looked at her, but her face was tense and her expression distant. "Do you love Emily?"

"Yes." Sam replied almost immediately. Leah looked into his eyes and found no doubt in them. They were steady pools of black.

"Do you love me?"

Sam was startled, for a second. Leah noticed the pools darkened and his face contorted into a look of pain. "More than my own life."

"Kiss me," Leah demanded.

"Lee, I can't…"

"Kiss me, or I'll go back into the water," she exclaimed.

Sam hesitated for a brief moment, but soon his hands enveloped her face, softly, and his lips looked for hers. It was painful, extremely painful. They felt an incredible pressure, like something was trying to keep them apart. Their skin burned where they were touching, and their lips numbed out. Even if they wanted to feel happy for the little contact, it was impossible over the unbearable pain. That didn't stop them though, it even made the kiss more passionate, hungrier. Leah's nails dug into his back and his hands moved to the back of her head, impeding them from separating. Their mouths tasted like salt and blood. The metallic feeling just added onto the unpleasant feeling, but it failed to stop them again. Leah was the first to push Sam away, but he refused to let go, so she tried a second time with more strength. Their embrace was broken, and they could only recover for the following moments. Leah laughed once she was able to catch her breath. The laugher went on, until it became painful crying.

"Do you love her?" Leah asked again.

Sam looked at her, still out of breath. He looked at her in the eye, unable to look anywhere else.

"Not like I loved you."

"Do you have to stay with her?"

"Unless she wants otherwise."

Leah flinched. She thought it was unfair, she thought it was stupid. Hadn't she turned him down before? Wasn't that why she ended up in that hospital? Unless… she didn't want to. Leah cried, again. Because Emily had never wanted to.

"Sam," Leah cried. "I'm sorry."

Leah phased and ran again, now heart broken. She didn't want to give up Sam, not when she could still have him. She didn't want to experience the feeling of having him scape through her fingers again.

"Leah," Sam's voice overwhelmed her mind.

"Stay away," Leah pleaded, pushing him out.

Afterwards, there was a moment of total silence. Leah couldn't hear Sam, although she was sure he was still behind. She stepped it up, out running him. The rain masked her scent, which threw Sam off her trail. Leah ran and ran, like there was no tomorrow.

After the sun rose, Sam gave up on finding Leah. He ran back to La Push, where Emily was waiting for him at the feet of their home. The woman launched herself into his arms, and Sam caught her carefully. His stress immediately lifted, but there was still a thorn on his side from the nigh before.

"Emily… you never wanted this… to happen like it happened, right?" Sam questioned. "You tried, you never chose me because you just couldn't choose, right? You had no other option?"

Emily's eyes wandered and looked at Sam only after a moment. The uncertainty, the sadness in them, the regret that shone through them. Sam felt his heart break all over again. He let go of Emily and walked in the house, unable to look at her at all.


End file.
